Still a Human
For a human being, my attachment to another falls below average. At first I didn’t think it was possible but then I was wrong. I was 15 back then, I was no longer staying at home as I was attending college far away from home. Unlike my classmates who often talks about their places and family I don’t do it. I rarely texted or called my family. Out of respect and thinking they might be worried about me I replied a few times. As I grew older, I grew further away.
Bestfriend I have none. Close friend I have few. Yet this friends have no idea who I am. They only know me as what they have seen and how I show it to them. None of them has since the pain I hidden behind my smile and laugh. None of them knew how I am hurt with the things they thought was a joke. For them everything is laughable as they say it is the best kind of medicine. The void that is growing in me.
The more I am aware of my state the more I have learned to control my emotions. The more time passed by the more I didn’t bother. The further I become to people around me. The more I am disappearing but that didn’t even scare me. I even wish that I should have grow up alone and have no one to care. Then one day, during a volunteer work on an orphanage. “Are you still a human?” a boy asked me. I asked what’s with his question. Then he answered “Your face shows happiness, you body acts normally but your eyes is like those in the teachings, lifeless, like an angel who had been cast down on earth for his sins. An angel of death.”