Unexpected: Dangerous Friend

“Your scar, that’s why I recognized you.” 

This is the most unexpected thing I ever heard from a stranger. Nor even think that my scar is a way that I will be recognized. I’m not wearing concealer to hide the scar on my cheeks. (I just went to accompany my younger brother for his check-up. If your asking why I haven’t undergo to erase it. It’s a painful reminder.) And because I haven’t a slightest idea who he is, maybe he saw that imaginary question mark on my head and chuckle. He roll the sleeves of his polo and I saw an old scar, a scar I remember. (Who would have ever thought that I can recognized him that way. Didn’t know something on the book really happen on real life.)

His scar was from a gunshot he received while he was on a job. And no his job is not the ones you have read in the books and watch on movies – not the good side. How did we meet? We meet in a circumstance that he was hired by someone I knew well. He was hired to protect that someone.  It was back of the summer in 2013, you see guys. He was left in the headquarters as it was called while I was doing some errands in that place. (I’m doing safe errands. I was asked to deliver some documents as will as files for the computer.) There was a guy (He was near my age and yes I was not wrong he was just 3 years older than me.) busy with a cleaning a gun sitting on a corner table with a coffee on it. Curious as hell I walked to him. And the first thing he said “Good girl should stay away from dangerous thing.” But I’m really stubborn once I want to feed up my curiosity and that’s how our friendship is formed. Even if it was for a short one week I did learn his dangerous life and he learned my boring college life. He was actually fascinated at me because I knew to well what is his job but I was very persistent to asked things that only someone like him can answer. And the fact that I was not afraid to approach him. (Truth to be told, among his colleges its only him I am not afraid nor intimidated. He cussed but not in angry and dangerous tone. And moreover, his face does not look like that he was kind into that job. He looks like any other college students who worked out. Lastly, he hangs out like what normal people do. But his really not scary face at all.)

The thing is – I well always remember what he said to me. “As long as you had a choice never choose a life that will bring you to a path where bullets and danger will always follow you. You may have received a handful sum but you already seal the end result of your life.” And the dumbest question I could have asked to him – Do you still believe in God? He actually smiled and laugh a little (He might really think at that time I was too bold for my own good and to curious to shut up.) and said when your doing this job, believe me, “I believe in God. I pray in God, that is the only thing you can do while doing something that will cost your life. He is the only thing you can relay on even if it sounds ridiculous and selfish on our part.” 

Seriously, he is just three years older than me but his words of wisdom is deep. And he still treats me like a kid. Too bad our reunion was short (We did talk a lot and catch up with our life for that short moment but not really that long.) because he was on business (Books and movies are right when they portray that people underground has a great disguise.) and I was with my younger brother on his check-up I just actually grab a coffee at the coffee shop infront the clinic. But hey! We might meet again. You gotta live your life a little dangerous for that I earn a good smack on the head. His parting words really makes me laugh, “Life is really funny, in the near future I will be having a friend who sticks to the law. And she will continue to have a dangerous friend who don’t give a crap to the law.” 

 

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From The Old Journal

On the page of my old journal. I wrote down how I feel about you. As I pour my feelings about you something is clearing up. No wonder why I fall. You are similar to me but also different. I have no intention of turning you to something like me to be called perfect in sync love. But I love you because you completed me. All that is on my mind is ‘if you feel the same way about me.’

Thinking keeps me insane. So I tie my hair up. Clean up my messy room room. Hoping to temporary forget all about us. All gather my shits together. But your eyes, smile and scent are all glued on my being. Our meaningless jokes, talking back and forth, our argument to what movie should we watch. Our conversations to what would be our future is repeating like a broken tape. Replying the same all over again.

I keep thinking of our last moment. There was no goodbye. I didn’t expect our ending to be like this. Not even in my wildest imagination that I shall be standing holding my favorite flower which you also love because simply they are my favorites. I’m not fine. Never will be as I lay the sunflowers on your grave.

From A Man’s Perspective

Recently, there was this book I read that said that the greatest event in life, our most important raison d’etre was to love. Cut the crap. Something like that could only have been written by a woman. For someone like me, who can’t even speak to the girl I like, love is nothing but agonizing.

This one-sided crush is going nowhere…

It’s gonna drag me straight to hell. 

Untitled

Love is the prelude to disaster and tragedy
People say I’m living my life
In truth inside is dying
As our love story progress
Tragedy attacks
Disaster is thrown like endless stone
Our life was so intertwined
Joined that it cannot be separated
That lossing you to death
Kills my heart
As the end of the book approach
I want to make believe myself
That this is just the first series of the book

Exploring Life While Not Losing Yourself

 

“Your too bold for your own good!”

That is what I usually hear from my friends, acquaintances and relatives. I’m just glad my parents don’t see me like that in a negative way. Let’s just say we had complicated relationship. But being bold does not mean I am doing anything bad, illegal or I’m hurting others. I’m young and there is more to life than meets the eye. I have to spread my wings and see the world in my own eyes. 

But whatever you do you should not lose yourself. The self-worth you have for yourself. If you want to explore the life or live with a motto you only live once you should know who you truly are as well as limitations. The reason to know your limitations is to keep yourself away from real danger that will cost your life. Life is not butterflies, unicorns and rainbows. Not the same at what we see on movies and tv series. Make precious memory while not ruining yourself or your future. 

Fault in Myself

You know… When something bad happens, I don’t link thinking it was someone else’s fault. See, if it’s someone else’s fault, then there’s nothing I, personally, can do about it. I can’t fix things. Nor I can see the mistakes that are meant for me. Rather than pushing it away so no one will hate you I’d rather accept it and see who will also stay. 

New Love

I want…to change things.
I want to believe that anything can be changed.
The moment I met you, a new world opened up for me.
You see, after wandering in the darkness for so long, a light brought me happiness.

It’s all thanks to you.