I Can’t Forgive Myself So Please Forgive Me

I Can’t Forgive Myself
So Please Forgive Me

I’d rather have you to be cold to me
Cold so I Can Leave You
Cold so I Can Go Without Looking Back
Cold So That Everything Cannot Go Back to the way it used to be

But even when you do, I think I could but I can’t
Baby, I’m selfish I can’t let go of you
I did you many wrong
I hurt you
I push you
I made everything cruel
I made everything fall apart
Break us into pieces
But I still can’t let go and keep you looked in this twisted love

I Can’t Forgive Myself So Please Forgive Me
So please when I plead don’t listen to me
Don’t listen to my cry
Never turn your back and give me one last glance
Don’t give me a break
Don’t give me a hope
Just be rough with me
So that I can never want you back

Don’t give me a break
Don’t give me hope, to me
Just be rough with me
So that I can never want you
Just don’t come back
Just don’t come back to me

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Took Me Long

The start of my love was fire
The end was tears
Like a war
Memories was my weapon
Strong like ocean
Sharp like wind
But it was all in the past
Now haunting me like ghost
Following me like a shadow
Truth
Only sadness is reality
It took me long
I hate my self

I just hate myself for not acknowledging

Grudge

Writing your name
Ripping it off
Crossing it of
Tearing it to pieces
Until no trace is left
Our memories
I badly want to cut if off
So bad that I want to bang my head on the wall
My heart is messy
Like the papers where I wrote your name
Crumpled, unfixible 
Thanks to your last one way words
My life is in blackout

No Love

By the time I realized that something was wrong
I knew I was too late
The look in your eyes
Tell me everything
Sinking like a knife in my heart
It’s bleeding and hurting
For long time ago
My heart is like yours
Lie! But rather my heart was already yours

Damn it hurts!
I’ll let you go
Without feelings to hold you back
I’ll burn your everything in me
I know it’ll be hard
But I will
I won’t find you anymore
This love was in the first place no love

 

A Letter to My Friend Whose Relationship Started Wrong

Dear my friend, we have know each other for some years now. We hang out. You cry, I listen. I am always your neutral ground. You tell me the lies I need to know in order for your mother to never knew the truth. But that is not why I am writing this. I am writing because our friendship has turned to sour as you always choose him. 

When you confess about the relationship of the two of you, I understand. I never said any negative but encourage you if you really meant those feelings. I was hoping you will find your way by then. Learn to never took for granted your current relationship with other guy who is doing his best for the two of you to work out. And learnt to admit that you are also at fault in this complicated relationship. I wish for you that the relationship you choose is toxic. You cry because of him, you made horrible choices because of him, but then you forgive him. I saw you happy, and then you cry again and it becomes a cycle after few months. 

You asked for my advice, I give. You asked for my time, I give. You asked for a listener, I never complain. My shoulder is always for you to lean on. But then I also got tired. I got tired that whatever I said to you fall in deaf ears. Whatever I say about him you brush it off. For you he is everything and I disagree. For a guy should never asked you to go if you parents had come to see you even without notice. That’s when I realized I cannot be the friend you needed. I can no longer tolerate it. 

My friend, I don’t want to go away. But this time. I have to stay away. For a while. I cannot help if you are closing your hearts to the negative opinion and honest observation of your friends in this relationship. I don’t want to see you hurt so bad. But then I wish you will be hurt so bad and see the people who was hurt in this relationship and learn to realize the things that went wrong. You feel the pain of the person who cried for the love that was not returned. For a love that was played like a fool. 

“Unless one accepted his/her mistake and asked for forgiveness a relationship that started wrong can never end right.” – Aly

Manga Review: The Italian Doctor’s Mistress

Danielle Black rushes to Italy the moment she got news that her father was in coma after falling on the mountain while skiing. But unfortunately she learned this one week after the accident that Doctor Carlos Rossi (Reminds me of the wine.) had somewhat got the negative impression on her, cold-hearted and things along that line specially when she said that “He should have died.” (Danielle pertaining to his father condition.) Carlos rushed to their room and only to find out that Danielle was sleeping on the coach and keep watching him for more than days. One fateful day, Danielle saved Anita, Carlo’s daughter (Anita and Danielle already meet on the hospital.) and in return got heavy injured. Carlos then took her to his home until she recovers. Only to find herself with the offer of becoming his lover. No string attached.

Love bloom unto Danielle. For her, he was the most kindest person she ever meet and shows compassion to her. But Danielle herself who may look calm and composed on the outside but a broken heart and soul in the inside.(That is why she keep all the feelings inside her. Afraid that she will be betrayed again. Even her true feelings to Carlos for self-preservation.) Who had never been given affection by his father. Betrayed by his fiancee and friend because she is according to him a person who will not jump in front of the bus – boring. And Carlos who is still trap in the memories of his deceased wife. Is love really possible for them. Specially if their affair is to end when Danielle return to U.S.

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Ikoku no Doctor or The Italian Doctor’s Mistress is a 3 chapter manga. That is why I haven’t write much of the synopsis to spoil the potential reader. Among all the manga’s I’ve read this is the most heavy and deep when it comes to love. The type you can read on stories like Sydney Sheldon deep. But most of all you can really feel the pain of the girl protagonist. All she is asking is to be loved that way she deserved to be but everything seems to be in a wrong place.

Over-all it was a good manga. Really worth a short moment. And a definite tear jerker. By the way this is an old manga. Do not expect an art illustration that is very nice. The art is similar to Yamato Nadasheko.

I Can’t Forgive Myself So Please Forgive Me

I’d rather have you to be cold to me
Cold so I Can Leave You
Cold so I Can Go Without Looking Back
Cold So That Everything Cannot Go Back to the way it used to be

But even when you do, I think I could but I can’t
Baby, I’m selfish I can’t let go of you
I did you many wrong
I hurt you
I push you
I made everything cruel
I made everything fall apart
Break us into pieces
But I still can’t let go and keep you looked in this twisted love

I Can’t Forgive Myself So Please Forgive Me
So please when I plead don’t listen to me
Don’t listen to my cry
Never turn your back and give me one last glance
Don’t give me a break
Don’t give me a hope
Just be rough with me
So that I can never want you back