One Last Time

In the memories of victims of Mancherster Arena bombing and in support to Ariana’s benefit concert. I am your fan from the other side of the world. 

Stay. Stay with me. For one last time even if I didn’t deserve it. One more time, One last time I want to be the one who takes you home. That one who will see you safely to your home. The one that you’ll last see as you close the door. Selfish. The one who is beside you will you open your eyes. The one who will first saw your smile. Can’t you?..

I lied. I gave into the fire. It was my fault. I have you yet it was not enough reason for me to fought. Even if it I know I would loss you yet I choose that decision. I am not proud of that honesty. I don’t want to defend my answer. It was all my fault. I have failed you. I feel like a failure. No scratch that I am a failure. I have failed you. I should have done better than that. Cause you and me don’t want to have a liar love. I should have done better than to give in. Forgive me. 

I don’t deserve you. I know. I know it after all I have done. Who am I to selfishly keep you for myself. I have no more place in your heart. Someone has already replace me. The one who had given you everything I cannot. The one who did everything I cannot. But I don’t care. I don’t care if you had someone else. Selfish as I am. Hear me for one last time. Stay. Stay with me. For one last time even if I didn’t deserve it. One more time, One last time I want to be the one who takes you home. Who will see you safely to your home.

Stay with me a minute, I’ll swear I’ll make it worth it.

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Curse of Contradiction

As Fairy Tail is about to close the curtain. The latest manga chapter left a mixed emotions on me and it still lingers (FT after all is my all time favorite anime). I’m happy yet sad at the same time (Indeed the curse of contradiction the even readers emotions was in contradiction). That I really cry will reading and re-reading it. (It happens a lot with animes and mangas. I cried when Ace died same when L died as well as Jiraya died and lots others.) Every since the characters of Mavis and Zeref came out I already know they had deep connections. But it was not until Fairy Tail Zero that their tragic relationship was told. Their love story is one of the best I have read in any mangas and watch in anime. (This is my opinion from all I have watch.) In fact I find the love story of Fairy Tail very beautiful if you put comedy aside. 

The love story of a boy who had jet black girl and the bare foot girl that started with the curse and ended with a curse. Zeref the reason why Fairy Tail was able to exist and Mavis the first Master of the guild both immortal with the same curse but one love prevails at the past and killed the other one. At the moment I have read the chapter of Mavis death the first thing that comes to my mind was Zeref curse most be greater and stronger than Mavis as he was able to kill him (I was thinking that obviously they are in love with each other as portrayed in FT Zero but since Zeref was the original curse so yeah his might be strong.) but as the more the story reveals the fact that nothing can beat/kill him. I started to think that would Mavis be able to kill him since she had the same curse the same reason might apply to kill Zeref. 

And the latest chapter answer that question. Mavis was indeed in love with Zeref but it was surpassed with other feelings. She looks up to Zeref. She is grateful to him. She is everything she dream of. She had a strong affection on him that at that time she was not able to identify that it was love. But Zeref on the other hand has pure love for Mavis no other feelings but direct love on her. Her being the only human that was not scared of his curse. Not afraid of him and without hesitation hug him.

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There final kissed and their final exchange of words really felt hurtful,  I can feel the regret yet love at the same time. It was bitter sweet. Even I hope for a happy ending for both of them and I got it but in the after life. (I was already preparing my heart for this. A love in their life at the moment wold really impossible.) But at least it was not like the other animes where one only lives as the other sacrifice. So let’s stay tuned for the endings of the other pairs on the series. 

Ending My 2017 Summer

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“Time is almost up! School bells are ringing, calling us back. But before you fold your bikinis, tuck you surfing boards, and move on from summer. Give your self one push for the summer of 2017. Be it on your favorite beach, on the solitude of the forest or just at home having a barbecue party with the family. It’s your call. End it with a blast. No regrets.” – Aly, at somewhere Island, 5-28-17. 

A Letter to My Friend Whose Relationship Started Wrong

Dear my friend, we have know each other for some years now. We hang out. You cry, I listen. I am always your neutral ground. You tell me the lies I need to know in order for your mother to never knew the truth. But that is not why I am writing this. I am writing because our friendship has turned to sour as you always choose him. 

When you confess about the relationship of the two of you, I understand. I never said any negative but encourage you if you really meant those feelings. I was hoping you will find your way by then. Learn to never took for granted your current relationship with other guy who is doing his best for the two of you to work out. And learnt to admit that you are also at fault in this complicated relationship. I wish for you that the relationship you choose is toxic. You cry because of him, you made horrible choices because of him, but then you forgive him. I saw you happy, and then you cry again and it becomes a cycle after few months. 

You asked for my advice, I give. You asked for my time, I give. You asked for a listener, I never complain. My shoulder is always for you to lean on. But then I also got tired. I got tired that whatever I said to you fall in deaf ears. Whatever I say about him you brush it off. For you he is everything and I disagree. For a guy should never asked you to go if you parents had come to see you even without notice. That’s when I realized I cannot be the friend you needed. I can no longer tolerate it. 

My friend, I don’t want to go away. But this time. I have to stay away. For a while. I cannot help if you are closing your hearts to the negative opinion and honest observation of your friends in this relationship. I don’t want to see you hurt so bad. But then I wish you will be hurt so bad and see the people who was hurt in this relationship and learn to realize the things that went wrong. You feel the pain of the person who cried for the love that was not returned. For a love that was played like a fool. 

“Unless one accepted his/her mistake and asked for forgiveness a relationship that started wrong can never end right.” – Aly

Thinking and Falling

Thinking and Falling

Why are you stuck in my head? There is nothing between us. We are just friends. Nothing more, nothing else. Yeah, sure we hang out. We laugh. For pete’s sake we have the same circle of friends. We are bound to meet. But why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking about you? Looking forward to the next time we meet? Am I falling? That’s impossible! I’m only thinking of you yet my heart is beating fast. Is it really possible to fall inlove this way? I’m doomed. 

Unexpected: Dangerous Friend

“Your scar, that’s why I recognized you.” 

This is the most unexpected thing I ever heard from a stranger. Nor even think that my scar is a way that I will be recognized. I’m not wearing concealer to hide the scar on my cheeks. (I just went to accompany my younger brother for his check-up. If your asking why I haven’t undergo to erase it. It’s a painful reminder.) And because I haven’t a slightest idea who he is, maybe he saw that imaginary question mark on my head and chuckle. He roll the sleeves of his polo and I saw an old scar, a scar I remember. (Who would have ever thought that I can recognized him that way. Didn’t know something on the book really happen on real life.)

His scar was from a gunshot he received while he was on a job. And no his job is not the ones you have read in the books and watch on movies – not the good side. How did we meet? We meet in a circumstance that he was hired by someone I knew well. He was hired to protect that someone.  It was back of the summer in 2013, you see guys. He was left in the headquarters as it was called while I was doing some errands in that place. (I’m doing safe errands. I was asked to deliver some documents as will as files for the computer.) There was a guy (He was near my age and yes I was not wrong he was just 3 years older than me.) busy with a cleaning a gun sitting on a corner table with a coffee on it. Curious as hell I walked to him. And the first thing he said “Good girl should stay away from dangerous thing.” But I’m really stubborn once I want to feed up my curiosity and that’s how our friendship is formed. Even if it was for a short one week I did learn his dangerous life and he learned my boring college life. He was actually fascinated at me because I knew to well what is his job but I was very persistent to asked things that only someone like him can answer. And the fact that I was not afraid to approach him. (Truth to be told, among his colleges its only him I am not afraid nor intimidated. He cussed but not in angry and dangerous tone. And moreover, his face does not look like that he was kind into that job. He looks like any other college students who worked out. Lastly, he hangs out like what normal people do. But his really not scary face at all.)

The thing is – I well always remember what he said to me. “As long as you had a choice never choose a life that will bring you to a path where bullets and danger will always follow you. You may have received a handful sum but you already seal the end result of your life.” And the dumbest question I could have asked to him – Do you still believe in God? He actually smiled and laugh a little (He might really think at that time I was too bold for my own good and to curious to shut up.) and said when your doing this job, believe me, “I believe in God. I pray in God, that is the only thing you can do while doing something that will cost your life. He is the only thing you can relay on even if it sounds ridiculous and selfish on our part.” 

Seriously, he is just three years older than me but his words of wisdom is deep. And he still treats me like a kid. Too bad our reunion was short (We did talk a lot and catch up with our life for that short moment but not really that long.) because he was on business (Books and movies are right when they portray that people underground has a great disguise.) and I was with my younger brother on his check-up I just actually grab a coffee at the coffee shop infront the clinic. But hey! We might meet again. You gotta live your life a little dangerous for that I earn a good smack on the head. His parting words really makes me laugh, “Life is really funny, in the near future I will be having a friend who sticks to the law. And she will continue to have a dangerous friend who don’t give a crap to the law.” 

 

From The Old Journal

On the page of my old journal. I wrote down how I feel about you. As I pour my feelings about you something is clearing up. No wonder why I fall. You are similar to me but also different. I have no intention of turning you to something like me to be called perfect in sync love. But I love you because you completed me. All that is on my mind is ‘if you feel the same way about me.’

Thinking keeps me insane. So I tie my hair up. Clean up my messy room room. Hoping to temporary forget all about us. All gather my shits together. But your eyes, smile and scent are all glued on my being. Our meaningless jokes, talking back and forth, our argument to what movie should we watch. Our conversations to what would be our future is repeating like a broken tape. Replying the same all over again.

I keep thinking of our last moment. There was no goodbye. I didn’t expect our ending to be like this. Not even in my wildest imagination that I shall be standing holding my favorite flower which you also love because simply they are my favorites. I’m not fine. Never will be as I lay the sunflowers on your grave.