I’m Sending You Off, You Did Well

That heavy breath
Can I possibly understand what it means
All I knew you are hurting
All I knew there is pain
All I knew, no I knew nothing
That hurt inside of you
That void inside of you
That emptiness in your heart
I want to comfort you
Even if it is only in words
Even if it meant nothing now
I want to tell you its okay

Your sigh
If only I knew what it means back then
But I was fooled by your smile
I was fooled by the happy angel
I was oblivion behind that shining star
Lies a thousand, no million hurts
I thought you are okay
Little did I knew your killing inside
I want to scream at you
But who am I kidding
I don’t know anything
How could I possibly understand

So right now
I want to send you off
You did well
You did well
You save a thousand life
You inspired millions
You put a smile on everyone who you have meet
You did good
So I’m sending you with a smile
I will not cry anymore

From others eye, it might not look okay
Like the small sigh
That can make somebody down
But I knew now
That was from a hard day
From the swirling emotions
So it’s okay
Take a deep breath
Let it out
It’s okay to be out of breath
That heavy breath
I knew now
Your sigh
Although we didn’t know it back then
It’s okay
I will hold you
You’ve worked hard
Rest now
You did well
Kim Jonghyung

 

Thank you, for the 10 years, the laughter, the comfort, and advice you give in the air. Not only to your fans but to everyone who listens to you. Jonghyung who have the voice of an angel, rest now. Time will heal and those you are hurt deeply will smile not might be right now but time will come. – Alex, Shawol.Light.Inspirit

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A Letter to My Friend Whose Relationship Started Wrong

Dear my friend, we have know each other for some years now. We hang out. You cry, I listen. I am always your neutral ground. You tell me the lies I need to know in order for your mother to never knew the truth. But that is not why I am writing this. I am writing because our friendship has turned to sour as you always choose him. 

When you confess about the relationship of the two of you, I understand. I never said any negative but encourage you if you really meant those feelings. I was hoping you will find your way by then. Learn to never took for granted your current relationship with other guy who is doing his best for the two of you to work out. And learnt to admit that you are also at fault in this complicated relationship. I wish for you that the relationship you choose is toxic. You cry because of him, you made horrible choices because of him, but then you forgive him. I saw you happy, and then you cry again and it becomes a cycle after few months. 

You asked for my advice, I give. You asked for my time, I give. You asked for a listener, I never complain. My shoulder is always for you to lean on. But then I also got tired. I got tired that whatever I said to you fall in deaf ears. Whatever I say about him you brush it off. For you he is everything and I disagree. For a guy should never asked you to go if you parents had come to see you even without notice. That’s when I realized I cannot be the friend you needed. I can no longer tolerate it. 

My friend, I don’t want to go away. But this time. I have to stay away. For a while. I cannot help if you are closing your hearts to the negative opinion and honest observation of your friends in this relationship. I don’t want to see you hurt so bad. But then I wish you will be hurt so bad and see the people who was hurt in this relationship and learn to realize the things that went wrong. You feel the pain of the person who cried for the love that was not returned. For a love that was played like a fool. 

“Unless one accepted his/her mistake and asked for forgiveness a relationship that started wrong can never end right.” – Aly

Thinking and Falling

Thinking and Falling

Why are you stuck in my head? There is nothing between us. We are just friends. Nothing more, nothing else. Yeah, sure we hang out. We laugh. For pete’s sake we have the same circle of friends. We are bound to meet. But why am I feeling this way? Why am I thinking about you? Looking forward to the next time we meet? Am I falling? That’s impossible! I’m only thinking of you yet my heart is beating fast. Is it really possible to fall inlove this way? I’m doomed. 

Unexpected: Dangerous Friend

“Your scar, that’s why I recognized you.” 

This is the most unexpected thing I ever heard from a stranger. Nor even think that my scar is a way that I will be recognized. I’m not wearing concealer to hide the scar on my cheeks. (I just went to accompany my younger brother for his check-up. If your asking why I haven’t undergo to erase it. It’s a painful reminder.) And because I haven’t a slightest idea who he is, maybe he saw that imaginary question mark on my head and chuckle. He roll the sleeves of his polo and I saw an old scar, a scar I remember. (Who would have ever thought that I can recognized him that way. Didn’t know something on the book really happen on real life.)

His scar was from a gunshot he received while he was on a job. And no his job is not the ones you have read in the books and watch on movies – not the good side. How did we meet? We meet in a circumstance that he was hired by someone I knew well. He was hired to protect that someone.  It was back of the summer in 2013, you see guys. He was left in the headquarters as it was called while I was doing some errands in that place. (I’m doing safe errands. I was asked to deliver some documents as will as files for the computer.) There was a guy (He was near my age and yes I was not wrong he was just 3 years older than me.) busy with a cleaning a gun sitting on a corner table with a coffee on it. Curious as hell I walked to him. And the first thing he said “Good girl should stay away from dangerous thing.” But I’m really stubborn once I want to feed up my curiosity and that’s how our friendship is formed. Even if it was for a short one week I did learn his dangerous life and he learned my boring college life. He was actually fascinated at me because I knew to well what is his job but I was very persistent to asked things that only someone like him can answer. And the fact that I was not afraid to approach him. (Truth to be told, among his colleges its only him I am not afraid nor intimidated. He cussed but not in angry and dangerous tone. And moreover, his face does not look like that he was kind into that job. He looks like any other college students who worked out. Lastly, he hangs out like what normal people do. But his really not scary face at all.)

The thing is – I well always remember what he said to me. “As long as you had a choice never choose a life that will bring you to a path where bullets and danger will always follow you. You may have received a handful sum but you already seal the end result of your life.” And the dumbest question I could have asked to him – Do you still believe in God? He actually smiled and laugh a little (He might really think at that time I was too bold for my own good and to curious to shut up.) and said when your doing this job, believe me, “I believe in God. I pray in God, that is the only thing you can do while doing something that will cost your life. He is the only thing you can relay on even if it sounds ridiculous and selfish on our part.” 

Seriously, he is just three years older than me but his words of wisdom is deep. And he still treats me like a kid. Too bad our reunion was short (We did talk a lot and catch up with our life for that short moment but not really that long.) because he was on business (Books and movies are right when they portray that people underground has a great disguise.) and I was with my younger brother on his check-up I just actually grab a coffee at the coffee shop infront the clinic. But hey! We might meet again. You gotta live your life a little dangerous for that I earn a good smack on the head. His parting words really makes me laugh, “Life is really funny, in the near future I will be having a friend who sticks to the law. And she will continue to have a dangerous friend who don’t give a crap to the law.” 

 

From The Old Journal

On the page of my old journal. I wrote down how I feel about you. As I pour my feelings about you something is clearing up. No wonder why I fall. You are similar to me but also different. I have no intention of turning you to something like me to be called perfect in sync love. But I love you because you completed me. All that is on my mind is ‘if you feel the same way about me.’

Thinking keeps me insane. So I tie my hair up. Clean up my messy room room. Hoping to temporary forget all about us. All gather my shits together. But your eyes, smile and scent are all glued on my being. Our meaningless jokes, talking back and forth, our argument to what movie should we watch. Our conversations to what would be our future is repeating like a broken tape. Replying the same all over again.

I keep thinking of our last moment. There was no goodbye. I didn’t expect our ending to be like this. Not even in my wildest imagination that I shall be standing holding my favorite flower which you also love because simply they are my favorites. I’m not fine. Never will be as I lay the sunflowers on your grave.

From A Man’s Perspective

Recently, there was this book I read that said that the greatest event in life, our most important raison d’etre was to love. Cut the crap. Something like that could only have been written by a woman. For someone like me, who can’t even speak to the girl I like, love is nothing but agonizing.

This one-sided crush is going nowhere…

It’s gonna drag me straight to hell.